This time round we thought we would do things a little different in the 2 week wait (2ww)

• I took the full 10 days off work to avoid getting stressed at work
• Everyday I spent 5 minutes repeating a mantra given to me by the priest for good luck
• I really took things easy this time!

The 10 days were a rollercoaster ride. Emotions were high low high low and I find you can’t resist symptom spotting!

Day 1-3

Evening of day 1, whilst lying on the sofa I had a sharp pain in my tummy. Not sure if this  is a good or bad? Other than that between day 1-3 I was looking out for implantation bleeding, as I read that many women get this ( but also many don’t!). No bleeding, no other pain, nothing…… hopefully this is a good sign?

Day 4-6

I started to have odd feelings/twinges/ cramps in my tummy area. Especially on the sides.  I kept myself stress-free with home improvements, cleaning, going out for afternoon tea and spending time at my parents.

Hubby and I went for fish and chips one afternoon, that evening I was sick. Not sure if this was due to the food I had eaten or the meds…..

Day 7-8

Anxiety started to kick in. I started to count the remaining days left. In terms of body feelings. Dare I say it… I felt pregnant.! My stomach was bloated/big, I had odd feelings in my tummy, sore boobs, I was having dreams of being a mum. I’ve had no bleeding yet too. All good signs….. could this be the positive result we have been meaning for?!

Or, are these symptoms of the meds I am on. Who knows!

Day 9 

I think hubbys anxiety also started to kick in here. Before going to work in the morning, he had a nose bleed, and then later that morning he rang to say he was coming home as he had an accident. My heart sank.. thankfully it was only a small accident, he sprained his wrist.

Both of us were home, feeling very anxious but very positive for our result tomorrow. We talked ourselves into talking a pregnant test. Something we know, we shouldn’t do!

I took the test, and it had a very faint positive line. Both of us had huge smiles on our faces but we told ourselves to hold any excitement until our official result tomorrow. We also told ourselves this could be a false positive because of the meds I am. We both had hope, and that night I didn’t sleep at all. I started thinking about our baby nursery, my baby shower, life as parents, due dates, informing friends and family…… my mind was working overtime!

Day 10 – Blood test 1

Results day! This day felt like waiting for your exam results. Heart racing, feeling sick, loss of appetite, lump in the back of your throat. I had everything going on!

In the morning, just after putting in the pessaries I had brown discharge. Is this the end? is this the start of my period? I told hubby and he was like ‘oh no, that’s not good I think’.

I went in for a blood test early in the morning and then waiting for a call between 3-5pm to inform us of our results. Hubby was home for the whole day.

To avoid clock watching I spent the day with my mum shopping and having lunch out. However I had a really bad headache. I got home before 3pm so hubby and I could take the results call today.

At 3:40 we had the call. The nurse informed us that it was neither positive or negative I was in the grey area. Trust this to happen to us again ( this happened through IVF round 1 too). My HCG level was 19 and it needed to be 50 or above to be positive. She advised we did another blood test in 2 days time and hope that numbers double to be positive. I asked the nurse the likelihood of this happening and she said ‘I’m not going to lie, 19 is very low , I would prepare yourself for worst case’.

Hubby and I were absolutely devastated. All our world came crashing down at once. It really really sucks. We were heartbroken 😦

Day 12 – Blood test 2

Got my result and it’s confirmed negative :(. It didn’t work… again.

Even thought we knew 2 days ago it was a negative we still had a bit hope that it still may have worked but no…. it definately didn’t.

Feeling really really low, but now determined to get fit and prepare for the next round in a couple of months. We are signing up to the gym on the weekend, going to start eating healthy again and book a mini break away too…..

Who knows what round will work for us… but hopefully it will be soon. We really thought time it would work… 😦

 

 

 

We went to visit Barbara on results day morning. Hubby and I were feeling really hopeful of a good result in the afternoon and therefore the session with Barbara was in general very positive.

We told Barbara about how we felt the 2 week wait had went and the symptoms we identified along the way. She was hopeful it would work for us and she shared experiences of other patients with us. She emphasised that age and therefore time was on our side and hopefully IVF should work for us at some point.

Barbara talked to us about about things to prepare us for a negative or positive result.

• Have you both thought about how you will inform friends/family of your IVF result
• Have you thought about due dates
• She emphasised that anxiety will constantly be there until we have a baby in our hands due to the struggles we were having. She talked about how our prioritises will change if its a positive
• She talked about next steps if negative. Would we do another Frozen Egg Transfer. As we only have 1 left, she advised we also talk about the option of starting IVF round 2.
• If its a positive, we will need to pay annually to keep our frozen egg in storage
• If its a positive, we will have a 7 week scan and then we will join all other pregnant women ( non iVF) when it comes to 12 week

We ended our appointment with Barbara early as she could see we were itching to visit the clinic to have my blood test.

The wait…

As it was a frozen embryo transfer (FET), the clinic were only able to tell us what day it would happen and on the day we would find out what time we would be expected to come in.  This was because in the morning of the transfer, the embryologist will defrost the embryo and depending on if it’s a successful defrost we will then be given a time slot. The clinic usually opens at 8am so hubby and I were expected a call before 10am as we were roughly told that the transfers happen around lunchtime.

This was probably the longest morning ever……!

Initially we planned to do nothing and I would spend the morning pampering (shaving, moisturising etc) as I will be exposed from waist downwards during the transfer. I remember my first ever smear test… I worked myself up so much, I was so embarrassed and self-conscious and now……. having internal scans/ tests where I am exposed is the norm! How life changes! However all the pampering took me a hour and hubby and I found ourselves clock watching. To pass time we decided to do the weekly food shop ( We love Aldi!) , and the pop into the city centre for a stroll. The clinic is in the city centre so if we got called we could then literally walk there…..

It was now 11am and no call… we started thinking ‘ Is there a problem with our frozen eggs?’, ‘

Finally at 11:30 I got a call from ‘Unknown’ I knew it was the clinic! I quickly answered and the nurse told me that unfortunately the first embryo they defrosted was unsuccessful and therefore they took another out from our storage ( thankfully we had 3, 5 day frozen embryos!) and the second was a success! Phew. She advised to pop into the clinic for the embryo transfer.

The Embryo Transfer

We were very familiar with this, as we have done it once before. All the nurses welcomed us on the ward and they made cross fingers gestures, hoping this time it would work for us.

The nurses told me to remove everything except by bra and put on a theatre gown, and hubby was informed to take off his shoes and pop on a theatre gown too as he will be coming in with me. I always get confused on how to wear the theatre gown – I asked the nurse and apparently there is no right or wrong way. Last time I was open at the back, this time I thought I’d wear it so it was open at the front but I would wrap it round like a dressing gown.

As soon we got changed we were immediately taken in the theatre room. There were 3 nurses ( the embryologist, a nurse to put the catheter in , and another who hangs around if needed). Hubby sat next to me and I sat on a chair which raised my legs. Thankfully I was given a sheet to cover myself.

The nurse then asked the embryologist to show us our embryo – a tiny little cell. They put it on a screen and both hubby and I were amazed and there was a sense of happiness…. That’s our embryo!  That could be the beginning of our little baby!

The nurse then advised that I lay back and relaxed and she began putting in the catheter. I’m not going to lie … it was defiantly more uncomfortable than last time and it also took a lot longer to insert!  The nurse said it was probably because last time I was on more medication as it was a fresh egg transfer whereas this time I was on less meds as it was a FET.

Once the catheter was finally inserted the embryologist carried over the embryo on something that looked like a straw and before I know it, it was transferred in! I didn’t feel a thing. The embryologist then checked the straw under her microscope to ensure it didn’t get stuck and it was definitely transferred- and it was! 🙂

I was advised to sit up for a few minutes and then told to change back into my clothes, continue using pessaries, Estrogen tablets. And that was it – the whole thing took 30-40mins!

Hubby and I walked to the car and there was a huge sigh of relief.

On the way home…

On the way home, I reminded hubby of a article I read about McDonald Fries increasing your chances of a successful result… something to do with the salt. There is no scientific evidence and I doubt it would work, but to humour ourselves we went and got some fries and a took a pic for my blog post !

 

 

 

My friend shared these with me and I chuckled to myself when going through them thinking how relatable these are ! Hehe🤭🤣

Yesterday, we had a clinic appointment to check the thickness of my uterus lining (another internal scan). It needed to be 7mm or above to schedule an embryo transfer date. Knowing how my body has reacted so far, we had a feeling it would not be thick enough and we would need to continue with the shots for another week and schedule in another scan.

 

However, to our surprise, the consultant told us my uterus lining is a healthy 9mm!!! Both hubby and I had huge smiles on our faces and were really pleased. It’s really exciting to think we are almost finished with this round and we will know if this has been a success or not very soon.

 

We now have a confirmed embryo transfer date – Monday 20^th May. As it’s a Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET), we will be informed in the morning of the 20^th if the embryo defrosted successfully and if so, we will be given a time slot on the day. We have three embryos in storage so we are confident that this FET will happen.

 

Emotions are all over the place at the moment. Last night I had my last shot (thank god) and I have started using pessaries. I am still on the Estrogen tablets too. I have scheduled two weeks off work to sit back and relax during the ‘10 day wait’. The last IVF round I felt stressed at work which I felt may have hindered the success.

Loads of questions are spinning around in our head at the moment …

–          Will this be the last time I take an IVF shot?

–          We will know in two weeks’ time if I’m pregnant…OMG!

–          What if it doesn’t work…we have to go through this all over again. Will it be a FET?

–          We look forward to baby shopping, my baby shower, having a little baby in the house…

–          This time next year we could have a baby in our arms…

 

Exciting times!!!

This poem was sent to me by my best friend. Very relatable!

I had my life all mapped up and wanted a baby by the time I hit 30. I’m now 32 , no baby and going through IVF. Life certainly had its own plan for hubby for I.

Hopefully this will make us stronger and eventually we will have a little tiny toes in our life.

🙏🏻🤞🏽

I started my Estradiol tablets 2 days ago ( Saturday, bank holiday weekend). The clinic has informed me to take these for 10 days, 3 X day.

Bank holiday weekend was coming up, and so was the day when I begin my tablets. I didn’t want to whole bank holiday weekend be based around taking my tablets 3 times a day followed by my shot at 6:30pm everyday. Hubby and I therefore planned a spontaneous 1 night trip to York.  It was difficult planning somewhere to go initially as –

• it’s advised we shouldn’t travel abroad whilst going through FET process,
• I didn’t want to go to a spa as the thought of wearing a tight swimming costume on my stomach ( where we do the shots) put me off.
• We also couldn’t go for a day trip too far as we wanted to be back home by 6:30pm to do the shots
• We couldn’t go and visit family ( who didn’t know we were undergoing IVF) and stay the night as  1) I would get peer pressure to drink and I shouldn’t drink 2) we would struggle doing shots in their house.

We therefore took our counsellor advice and spent some quality time as couple in York. We carried my shot and tablets and were able to take the medication when I needed without worrying about hiding it from people. We checked into a little a guest-house and made sure we came back from a day of shopping and eating in good time to do the shot, rest and then get ready for a fancy dinner together :).

Side effects

It’s only been 3 days since I’ve been taking the tablets and it hasn’t ben too bad. I’ve noticed at different times of the day I feel bit nauseous/ feel sick but I’ve not actually been sick. Food doest seem that appealing…. this feeling isn’t constant. It’s just at odd times of the time.

Book

One of my previous posts talks about how I felt at failing at IVF because it was unsuccessful. My mum recently shared a magazine article by Elizabeth Day talking about a book she has realised which has a chapter named ‘Failing at having babies’. It caught her eye and shared the article with me.

I read the article and it felt very relatable. The book doesn’t just centre at failing at IVF but talks about various things people fail at in life.

I’m planning on spending the rest of the bank holiday weekend getting stuck into this book 🙂 – so far I’m enjoying it!

 

 

 

The beginning of our Frozen Egg Transfer (FET) process 

We were very lucky to have been able to freeze 3 eggs after our first round of IVF. As the first round was unsuccessful we were hopeful to use our frozen eggs with a less-injection intense and slightly shorter process!

Before we could use our frozen eggs and try again for a baby, our clinic suggested to wait 6-8weeks to let my body recover from the meds before I start them again. The 6-8 weeks was painful as both hubby and I suffered from anxiety due to the stress of the unknown. Not knowing if this round would work, not knowing what was involved, when we will start this round and also still recovering from the devastating news that our first round of IVF didn’t work.

Our first appointment

After 6-8 weeks we had our first appointment at the clinic to start the next round. Although we call it the ‘next round’. This is actually still considered the first round of IVF as the eggs were collected during the first round. We are hopeful to have a baby as we still have lots of opportunities!

The first appointment went very well! Better than expected. We expected to have several appointments before we can begin medication again, however instead the clinic jam this all in one appointment.

• We were advised that we can use our frozen eggs. We have 3. 85% of the time these defrost well, but if they don’t we have another 2 that can be used.
• I will be taking buserelin shots for 3-4 weeks, as well as taking 3 tablets a day and using pessaries.
• The nurse gave hubby a quick refresher on how to draw the injections. ( he will be injecting me – I couldn’t bring myself to inject myself)
• I had an internal scan and a blood test.
• We were given a prescription to pick up the meds
• We were given a bag full of syringes/needles.

When do we start?

We are waiting on blood test results that should arrive this afternoon.  These will determine when we begin taking the injections. If I have ovulated I will be able to start taking the injections tomorrow, if I have not , I will need to wait to ovulate and then I can begin.

As my periods range from 25-70 days ( very irregular!) the clinic said they will not make me wait for another period instead they make switch up my meds to let me get started sooner rather than later. The clinic staff were amazing and we felt very optimistic coming out! 🙂

Bring on round two! Fingers and toes crossed xxxx

Due to our Anxiety we have arranged a couples session with a lady called Barbara on the 2nd April. When I spoke to her on the phone she told me that my husband and I are still coming to terms with the negative result during Christmas and this is why we are having heart racing moments. We are struggling not being in control and being able to plan when our little baby arrive.

What we took away from the appointment…

Barbara was lovely and easy to talk to. When driving home hubby and I asked ourselves what we took away from the session:

• Do more things as a couple. Its easy to get so involved with day to day lives and forget about spending quality time together. Barbara advised that each weekend we take turns to plan something we will do as a couple. This weekend was hubbys turn and he decided we went to the local pub after work on Friday! We thought it would be good to enjoy something alcoholic before I start IVF on Sunday ( 2 days time!)
• Timebox talks for 20mins. Hubby and I always talk about upcoming appointments but we never actually talk about why we are going there and how we are feeling. Barbara suggested at least twice a week we time box 20mins to talk about what is going on and how we feel. She suggested we timebox it as we could end up going round in circles. She also suggested when we finished talking we did something straight after ( such as going for a walk) to divert the mind to something else.
• Write down how you feel. This doesn’t work for all, and definitely not my hubby. But Barbara said if it makes you feel good to start writing it down!  ( this is me doing this right now writing this post)
• Control heart racing moments. Barbara suggested that you can kind of start feeling when a heart racing/worrying moment is about to start. She said when you feel it coming on, it’s important to step away and take 15mins to do some deep breathing and think of positive thoughts
• Try not to tell too many people the next time round. We found during the first round there was pressure to update 6-8 close family and friends on progress made and next steps. This became quite difficult especially towards the end we felt like those around us took the bad news worse than us! Barbara suggested we tell fewer people this time round.

We going to try and do the above and hopefully it helps us. We have arranged another appointment with Barbara at the end of our frozen egg cycle which starts tomorrow!