The morning

I went in for a blood test before 10am. Whilst getting my blood test done the nurse asked me if I had any spotting. I told her no.. she said that’s normally a good sign. I was feeling so anxious and I told her to give me a ring asap when the results come in. Hubby and I were on edge waiting for the results….

The Results

The nurse called me earlier than expected. She said ‘ It’s good news!!!!!! You are 2 weeks pregnant’ I wanted to scream with happiness, I wanted to jump up and down, I wanted to shout from the rooftops…. but all this was contained as I was in shock!!! I kept telling the nurse ‘are you sure?’ . After reassuring me, she scheduled me in for a 7 week scan.  I can’t believe it…. it worked!

The days to follow 

We told all those that knew we were going through IVF. Close friends and family were so so so so happy for us. A lot of people had happy tears for us. 🙂 It’s such a nice feeling to get a BIG FAT POSITIVE.

I struggled to show any happiness at first as after failing at so many attempts of IVF I was worried I would miss-carry. I kept googling symptoms of miss-carriage and googling what I should be feeling. At first I was extremely bloated due to the IVF meds and my ovaries being so big. I actually bought a maternity coat for work as my waistline was so bloated and big and my coat wouldn’t zip up!

Now 

Monday we have our 7 week scan… the excitement has started! I have recently taken a home pregnancy test and I have morning sickness which has started to re-assure us that we are actually pregnant. Still seems unreal… I AM PREGNANT!!! WE ARE HAVING A BABY!!!!! wohoooo!

2020 our little tiny toes will arrive…. finally 🙂

Day 1-3

• Took it easy. hubby took the car to work so I was homebound. Wrapped xmas presents, wrote xmas cards.
• Sipped lots of water. Feel like I’m wee’ing more often!
• No feelings/ symptoms
• OHSS is getting better
• Sore breasts!

Day 4-6

• Still no feelings/ symptoms.
• Released I have constipation. Called the clinic and they advised it was normal, I needed to keep calm and eat more fibre.
• Sipped lots of water – OHSS is not a issue now. Feel like I’m wee’ing more often!
• Sore breasts!

Day 7-8

• No longer constipated.
• Have cramping. Started to worry – is this a sign of a period.
• Breasts no longer sore

Day 9

• Cramping has stopped. No bleed. We have hope!!!!
• Feeling normal….

 

The day before 

I was stressed. My abdominal pain hadn’t completely gone and in the evening I had direahea. Why was this happening to me?! Hubby kept blaming me and said I am doing this to myself, I need to keep calm – he’s right but it’s a lot easier said then done. 😦

Egg update

The embryologist had a chat with us, we were so disappointed to be told that we only had 2 good quality eggs. The rest had died!!!! We were absolutely gutted!!!!! That meant after we did the transfer, only one would be frozen meaning we would have to do a FET next time with 1 egg with the risk that it may not thaw successfully. Our hearts sank. We asked to embryologist to repeat this as we were so shocked!

OHSS 

Since egg collection my breathing as been really bad. I struggled walking from the car park to the clinic. I was so out of breath when I reached. Also my mouth is constantly dry so I’ve been sipping on water all day. I informed the doctor and they said

• Your OHSS may get worse if you fall pregnant with the egg we transfer today. We can not predict how worse but it may.  You pregnancy may be tough and if your breathing becomes really bad we may need to drain your lungs. Are you willing to take the risk and go ahead with the transfer today?

Without even discussion, hubby and I said Yes!!!! We got this far – there was no way we were going to not have an egg transfered!!! We were upset and deflated.

Transfer 

We put on our gowns and went into theatre. The nurse put in a catheter which was uncomfortable and I had abdominal pain too. Nothing I couldn’t cope with, but it was definitely the most uncomfortable transfer. We were shown on screen the embryo and hubby took a quick pic. Fingers crossed this works!!!

I’ve been told that I have responded well to menupur and the nurses can see lots of eggs. It’s becoming quite uncomfortable but this is normal as my ovaries are really big!

HCJ Trigger shot 

36 hours before egg collection  I was told to stop the 2 shots and do the trigger shot. This would be the final injection! I was worried because it’s been kept in the fridge and is cold! But from what I remember from our last round it was painless.

We were given an exact time to do the shot. Hubby and I clock watched all evening and hubby even googled videos on YouTube to ensure he knew how to administer the injection. I think him doing this didn’t help with my nerves. I could see he was nervous too!

It was over with a moment!!! It didn’t hurt and hubby did a fantastic job, We hugged it out – that was it – no more IVF injections! hopefully no more IVF injections… ever!

Lorazepam – to calm me 

The doctor prescribed be lorazepam to have the night before the morning of egg collection. I was only allowed to have this with a sip of water. I think it worked ! I was panicked or stressed. I was just keen together this over and done with…

Leaving the house 

The doctors advised I didn’t use any performed products ( deodorants, perfume, shampoo etc). I had therefore bought a un performed body wash to use that morning. I had a quick shower, had my tablet with a sip of water and went to the clinic with no make up on – the nerves kicked in but I wasn’t too bad.

Arriving at the clinic 

I put on my theatre gown and was given a bed on the ward. The nurses were incredibly friendly. I told them I was sick last time post egg collection so the seditionist said she would give be anti sickness drugs to control this. They put on emla cream on my arm to numb the area where they will put in the drip. I felt a little pinch as It went in but nothing I couldn’t I couldn’t cope with. The nurses waited till parcetaolmol was fed through my veins. As soon as this was done hubby was sent away and in was in the hands of the doctors.

Egg collection 

I walked into theatre, I was told to sit on a chair with my head back and legs raised. We talked about all sorts and the atmosphere instead theatre was very relaxed with the radio on. The nurses were lovely! A tube was fed through me, I didn’t really feel anything. As I was sedated I don’t remember much.

Back on the ward 

Before I knew it, I was back at my bed, feeling groggy! The nurses made me some toast and tea. I was so hungry as I had eaten nothing all morning. Hubby arrived – I was so glad to see him and I felt relieved it was all done! The embryologist came over to have a chat with us, she told us we had collected 18 eggs!!!! this was a lot more than last time and therefore a lot more than what we expected. We were pleased 🙂

 

Home 

I rested it off for the rest of the day. I had severe abdominal cramping. I used a hot water bottle to calm this and took paracetamol. This continued for 4 days! At the beginning it was so severe that I couldn’t even bend down – it was so painful. The nurses advised this was normal as my ovaries are big.

Update on eggs

The following day the embryologist got in touch and told us we had 2 top quality, 4 good quality and 2 still growing embryos. Things were looking positive.

 

 

 

I’m now on day 7 of doing 2 shots a day. I’m so over this…. I’m feeling rubbish and I can’t help thinking i’ve been dealt with a really hard set of cards.  L I F E   I S  H A R D

My stomach is bloated, swollen, bruised and both shots are painful :(. The second menopur injection is awful because whilst you are injecting yourself it stings as the medicine goes in. I usually lie down after my shots as for 20mins or so until the stinging sensation goes.

Every night I dread having my shots and anxiety is really bad at the moment. Keeping calm is a lot easier said than done!

I’ve just had my first scan whilst taking two shots. The nurses have said I have responded well and they can see lots of follicles growing. Hopefully less than a week to go to egg collection!

I REALLY HOPE THIS ROUND WORKS.

 

We didn’t have a much of a break between being unsuccessful at the frozen round and starting a few new cycle. It was less than a month from my result to starting shot 1 again. In hindsight I think having a longer break would have helped as I was pretty run down whilst taking shot one.

Mouth Thrush due to stress!!! 

So it all started with a slight ear ache. I went to my GP and got it checked out and I was prescribed ear spray to sort it out. Before using the spray I checked with the IVF clinic ensuring it wouldn’t interfere with my cycle!

Whilst having an ear ache I started to have a mouth ulcer but was really uncomfortable. It became so uncomfortable and that I was struggling to eat and my teeth started to hurt too.  I started to use over the counter meds to clear up the ulcer ( again I checked in with the clinic). I also made a dentist appointment thinking I had tooth ache!

The following morning I woke up and put a torch light in my mouth to see what was going on and it appeared I had white stuff all along the top of my mouth which was extremely saw! I had ear ache still, tooth ache still, and white patches appeared which I thought was ulcers! I went to the walk in centre and was told I had mouth thrush ( 10 mouth ulcers) which was all due to stress. The ear and tooth ache was linked to this!

I was feeling so run down and top of it all I was taking a shot every evening! I didn’t need this at all. 😦

Bleed whilst on shot 1

Once my mouth thrush cleared I began watching out for my bleed which was meant to happen after 10 days of using the injection. To my delight this actually happened on day 10! In the past my bleeds have been delayed which results in taking shots for longer.

This was probably one of the worst bleeds I had! I was in so much pain , really bad cramps and feeling totally rubbish. I just felt like it was one thing after another 😦

I’ve got a true friend who has and is my rock during IVF. She keeps me going. She is there  for me on my low days to help me pull through but also there for me on every other day. She recently sent me the motivational quote which is amazing and totally relatable – I’m just waiting for that phone call … one day it will come.

 

My friend also shared lots of articles of celebrities who went through fertility problems. It’s good to hear lots of other women who have went through IVF have made it through and now have children. It just shows money can’t make this work – it’s pure chance as many famous (rich) celebrities have had to go through multiple rounds.

 

 

 

This time round I haven’t really blogged much about our experience. Mainly because I have been really active and I’ve not felt the need to write down my thoughts as its overall been a better experience!

Buserelin  Shots

The shots were a lot easier. I felt like hubby and I had really got to grips with dealing with them. They were a lot less painful, I had no bruises and doing them first thing in the morning meant it was out the way.

We did shots for a few weeks and I didn’t bleed within the 10 days window ( which was expected) . I had informed the clinic and they said due to me having irregular bleeds they were happy for me to start the estradiol tablets alongside the shot. Hubby and I were so pleased!  This mean’t we didn’t need to wait for a bleed, and it felt like things were coming to an end now…. I had to be on the tablets for 10 days and then it would be embryo transfer hopefully!

Estradiol Tablets 

The tablets made me feel nauseous at first. I tried ginger, lemon and mint teas to try and control this which I think helped. Luckily I only felt nauseous for the first few days. After that I was fine. I had set alarms on my phone to ensure I took the tablets 3 times each day at the same time.

Pessaries 

I had to use pessaries 5 days before embryo transfer. As usual these were very messy but thankfully I had purchased some cheap panties from primark!

Embryo transfer day…

In preparation for embryo transfer, I had a pamper session the night before and I ate pineapple. I read online eating pineapple increases your chances – so I thought I would give it a go! However anxiety had hit peak.

I was so worried about whether our embryo would thaw successfully. Considering we only had one this would mean if it didn’t thaw this would be the end of this round…. nevertheless I continued to prepare myself for the transfer. The nurse had said there was a 80% success rate in thawing successfully so this kept me going…

I wasn’t given an exact time to go into the clinic for the transfer as they needed to thaw the embryo in the morning. I anxiously watched my phone all morning .. waiting for it to ring. Hubby was due home at midday as he had taken a half day to come along for the transfer….. if it was to happen!

Result… 

The phone finally rang at 1pm. My heart was racing. The nurse who rang me was the same nurse who I had addressed my concerns with regarding the embryo not thawing successfully…. my heart sank as she said  ‘ I’m afraid its bad news’….

My eyes filled up with water and I could see hubbys face turning into disappointment as he realised this was it. The embryo didn’t defrost sucessfully.

The nurse said she was extremely sorry, but I needed to stop all medication and I was able to call up when I’ve digested the news and ready to talk. She advised an appointment letter will be sent out to follow up and talk about next steps.

Words cannot describe how we felt. We were absolutely devastated, our whole world just came crumbling down. I burst into tears as soon as the phone went down. This was it.. all those weeks of shots/ tablets/ preparation for nothing… I wasn’t given a chance to try and make a baby. I didn’t have the embryo transfer. We were gutted. It felt as if someone had died.

Hubby and I were looking at something to blame and the only thing we could point at was the clinic….. we googled about going private, we blamed the clinic for persuading us to use my frozen egg.  In hindsight, we only blamed these things because we wanted something to blame but really both of these things are not the answer to why it didn’t work. This was purely based on chance, and unfortunately we were dealt with a bad set of cards. The service we have received from the clinic has been outstanding

I had scheduled time off work to have the 10 day wait at home to relax after embryo transfer but as this didn’t happen I had 10 days off doing nothing… so I had booked a last minute holiday to Morocco with my family. I literally flew out the following day after the news.

Holiday

The holiday was great in terms of taking my mind of things. However on the last day I began to think about the result.  I was eagerly waiting to get home and give hubby a big hug and have a good cry with him. I felt we didn’t some time together to digest the news.

Next steps…

I’m still coming to terms with the news and mentally I’m struggling to get my head round going through our next round of IVF which will involve egg collection. But hubby and I have agreed we are strong and we will pull through this. We are determine to make this work for us.

Our appointment at the clinic has been scheduled for the 10th October. Between now and then we will be mentally preparing ourselves and also physically I’m going to try and keep fit by going the gym and eating well. My body needs to be strong, fit and healthy to go through another round…. and I need to have the willpower and strength to pull through it again. xxxx

 

 

 

 

Decisions decisions decisions

Following our last round we now only have 1 frozen embryo left. However the last time we ended up using two frozen embryos as one did not thaw successfully. So this time round, as we only have 1 frozen embryo we were concerned it may not thaw successfully again. This would then mean we would have went through weeks of medication to then get no embryo put in.

We spoke to the clinic and they gave us two choices

–        As we are using the NHS, they said we must use up our frozen embryos before we start fresh cycle. They said they couldn’t justify spending on a new cycle if I had frozen embryos. They said the whole process is based on luck and that, that one frozen embryo could be the one. Similar to starting a new cycle, there is no guarantee it will work.

–        We go private and pay for a new cycle.

Hubby and I decided to go with the first choice. Although we had doubts, the clinic was absolutely right about no guarantee for anything working and that it’s all just chance. They said there is a 85% chance of the egg thawing successfully. We were in the minority in the previous round when one didn’t thaw successfully.

Changes

Shot in the morning

Every time we start a new round, we always look at ways to improve our chances to work and make it easier for us. This time round the biggest change we have made is the time of the shot. Previously we did it after work at 6:30pm. However I felt that

–        All day my anxiety was really bad as I knew I had a shot in the evening. I dreaded it.

–        I wasn’t able to go to the gym or go out with friends/family in the evenings as I felt sorry for myself and stayed at home. Our social life was on hold.

Therefore hubby and I have made a pact that will try and to do the shot in the morning before work at 6:45am.

Pilates

As my evenings are now free, I want to try and be more active during this round. I’ve booked myself into a Monday Pilates class. Hopefully this helps my wellbeing throughout the whole process.

So far…now

So right now, we are on day 6 of shots. Having our evenings free are fab!  However waking up at 6:45am on a weekend is very very hard. I’m also finding some nights I am struggling to sleep because I am worried about my morning shot. However I think this is getting better as the days go by.

This week in the evenings although I’m pretty tired I’ve been out for dinner, went to Pilates, did a supermarket shop and even helped hubby do gardening one evening. I’ve been a lot more active!