Change in priority

• I’m current a ‘Senior Manager’ however a job in my department came up for a ‘Lead Manager’. I’m really ambitious and career driven however going through IVF and knowing the struggles hubby and I are going through I didn’t apply. This is really unusual for me and I did have second thoughts after the deadline to apply past. However my priorities in life have changed and at the time the job was being advertised my focus was getting through our first round of IVF.
• Also having anxiety, I didn’t want the added pressure of putting together an application, going through the interview process and informing my boss of my application.

Mental Health at work

I’ve recently become aware that work provides 6 free sessions to employees with mental health. This is something I wasn’t aware of. I’ve got the contact details and may reach out to them if needed.

Also the counselling sessions are not just for me, it can also be a couples session so hubby could also benefit from this.

This is a huge perk at work and knowing how it feels going through anxiety during stressful times in your life i’v printed off posters and distributed leaflets around the office. We need more awareness of this. Suffering in silence is the worst thing a person could do!

My confidence

• I feel like I have lost of my confidence in chairing meetings. I now over-plan and over-think what I need to do at work. I feel like I try and do too much and I’m doing 100miles per hour at work and even when I talk I’m struggling to get my words out clearly.
• I’ve started to work through a ‘to do’ list at work, Rather than trying to do everything at once I now have a list and do one thing at a time. I’ve also started to work a lot less overtime and make sure I take a lunch break ( even if it means sitting in the canteen alone!).

Support

• I have spoken to a few colleagues at work about our struggles with IVF and the anxiety I am having. I feel its one of the best things I did. Work have been amazing!
• I already work flexible working hours, but now when I leave early I don’t need to give an excuse
• I have a good circle of colleagues who will cover me when needed
• We were running a conference with 100+ people. I didn’t feel like I had the confidence to host a session, I have a colleague who was able to step in as he understood my situation.
• I’ve been asked to attend conferences throughout the UK but I am unable to attend as I would like to take my shots in the comfort of my home with hubby doing the injecting. My Line manager has been amazing at understanding this.
• All in all, the managers I have told have been so supportive and what makes it even better they all know people who have been through IVF. It just shows a lot of people go through it and almost all have success stories to tell!

Work clothes

This is something you wouldn’t think would be an issue whilst going through IVF but it was for me!

I wasn’t able to wear trousers with a button throughout the whole time I was taking the shots! I invested in several pairs of leggings and long tops/dresses to cover my bum!

My tummy was bloated and work trousers and jeans just felt really uncomfortable!

 

 

 

IVF Changed me as a person

I used to be the most confident person around, but going through our first round of IVF made me change as a person. I’m now Annie -an IVF patient.

I started to ask myself these questions:

• Why does my heart race when I’m about to chair a meeting?
• Why am I going 100miles per hour with washing/cleaning/cooking? Why am I worrying about it when I know it will get done?
• Why do I wake up in the morning and my heart is racing thinking about meetings I have to attend for the day ?
• Why do I struggle breathing at different points in the day?
• Why am I tight chested at different points in the day?
• Why am I so anxious when I’m about to attend a meeting?
• Why am I so anxious and my heart is racing when we are about to buy a car?

I went see a doctor and he said I had anxiety. He advised I tried to nip it in the bud before it gets worse and before I considered meds. I should try and relax, do deep breathing exercises and try and take things easy.

 

What did I do?

• I downloaded the calm app and started to listen in on stories on how to do deep breathing. When I know I am becoming anxious I take 15mins aside to breath and think about why am I so anxious? do I need to be anxious? No!
• I have started to less rush-around. Rather than running into the kitchen after work to make dinner. I first take my coat off, and go upstairs to change from my work clothes and then come down to make dinner.
• I took a girly holiday (sunbathed,  dip in the pool, eat, sleep and repeat for 4 nights!) to unwind and de-stress before the second round of IVF began.
• I found the more I talked about it, the better I felt. I spoke to a good friend of mine who also suffered from anxiety and she very kindly sent me a ‘pamper pack’ through the post 🙂
• I have spoken to a counsellor ( offered by the NHS for patients undergoing IVF ) and booked into a couples counselling session for hubby and I. Over the phone, our counsellor has suggested we need to talk about what has happened (our first unsuccessful round of IVF) and talk about what we are going to do next. She advised the more we talk the better!

Hubby

At 9:30am, we were both at work and I got an unusual call from hubby saying ‘Babe, don’t laugh but I need tell you something’

My breathing became difficult and I just thought – has he lost his job?!

Instead he told me, his boss asked for a chat. She asked what is troubling him as she had noticed odd behaviour/mood change over the last few weeks.

Hubby then went on to say, a lot was going on at home and my wife is troubling with anxiety due to fertility issues and its all my fault… ( low sperm count).

Hubby then went on toe say it was a very low moment for him and he nearly had tears. My heart sank as I began to think, anxiety is not only my problem, its our problem and we both need to deal with this, not just me.  However like most men, hubby bottles everything up and doesn’t like discussing these matters with me as he doesn’t want to worry me.

What did I do?

• I immediately called a counsellor and booked an appointment for both of us
• Spoke to my sister in law and told her to have frequent chats with him to talk about what we are going through.
• As I was going on holiday, hubby called his parents to spend some 1 on 1 time with them to talk about his struggles whilst I was away.
• I also now bring up the topic of how we are feeling more often with him to make sure he is not silently struggling alone.